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072: “Never Say this on a Date” with Jeffrey Platts

May 16, 2017

Guys always go for the lines like “Let’s go grab a coffee,” or “Let’s go get some ice cream,” because it somehow lessens the fear of asking a woman out. Jeffrey Platts teaches his clients to be bold and courageous when asking a woman on a date. “Is this a date?” Whether you are the guy or the girl, you never say this on a date. Once you do, it automatically translates that you did something wrong when you were communicating with the other person. When you say, “I want to take you on a date, when are you free next week?” this becomes a win-win situation for both of you. If a magic sparks, then good. If there isn’t one, then cool. Either way, you expressed your emotions well.

I am honored to have Jeffrey Platts on the show as a guest star as we talk about the concept of what never to ask about a date, the one thing you should never say in terms of a date. Come as he brings us wisdom, we rap back and forth and talk about his concepts and my concepts. It’s a total blast. Teddy then comes on from Colorado to talk about why things didn’t quite work with a lady he met at a concert. We give him some things to look at, at how he was before, during, and after. For more shows, please visit us at TuffLove.Live.

072: “Never Say this on a Date” with Jeffrey Platts

It is a wonderful day in the neighborhood and all over. I am thrilled about the show takes. I have a fun guest, Jeffrey. I’ve been looking forward to the show. Jeffrey, welcome to the show.

What’s up, Robert? Thank you so much for having me.

It’s my pleasure. I met Jeffrey through a mutual friend, Melanie, when Jeffrey moved from DC to Los Angeles. She said, “You got to meet this guy. He’s like you.” I’m like, “There’s no one like me.”She’s like, “He’s enough like you that you’ll like him.” I’m like, “Let’s do it.”We met for dinner on Santa Monica. You and Vanessa, Morgan and I, had a good time. I’ve just been a respecter and a follower of your work. I follow you on Facebook. Your general vibe, what I noticed with you, what I respect about you, is the way you approve of men and their experience and what they’re going through. In this disapproving world, I’m always touched by your ability to say you’re doing it right, now let’s do it better. I want to thank you for bringing that to the world.

I never heard that phrasing before. It reflected back to me and that feels great. Thank you.

We picked a topic. Your topic was what was the one thing you shouldn’t say on a date. I changed it to “Never Say This on a Date.” Both are true. Just to start off, what does that mean? What is the one thing or is this a more general thing?

It’s a trick question. You’re not going to say this out loud, but take a step back. The reason why that thought came up to me when I was thinking about this is it’s a complaint from women over the years that I’ve had. I’ve had it reflected back to me personally when I was single as well as having a lot of female friends and people commenting like, “We get frustrated that guys just ask you to hang out. Let’s grab a coffee, let’s go get ice cream, let’s go for a walk, let’s go.” A lot of guys do this because it dilutes the fear of asking a woman out. It’s like, “Let’s go hang out sometime?” It’s got that double win of, “If we hang out and there’s no magic and there’s no chemistry and then it’s cool, it never was a date to begin with. If there was a date, cool. It’s a surprise bonus.” On a certain level, logically, that makes sense. They want to not be rejected and all that stuff.

To answer the whole premise is, if you’re on a date and either one of you, the man or the woman, or the man or the man, whatever pairing it is, has to ask the question to yourself, “Is this a date?”either on the date or leading up to it or she asks her girlfriends, “Is it a date?” “I don’t know. If you have to ask that, something’s wrong.” Something was not expressly communicated and not necessarily wrong, but it’s not the optimal, in my world, way to approach it. If you’re asking that question on either end, it’s ambiguous. Let’s do something different. Let’s show up in a different way. The way that I teach my men, my clients, is just be bold and courageous in asking a woman on a date. You literally just use that word date, “I want to take you on a date. When are you free next week?”

It is so in line. This is a big piece of the work. The work I’m working on is Romance in the 21st century. It’s totally fucked up. You’ve nailed one of the key cornerstones which is lack of commitment, the lack of willingness, the lack to show up and say, “This is a date.”

Speak upfront. Also for me it’s also speaking of pragmatic. Let’s not waste time. Think about it, if I’m a guy and I see a woman and I talked to her in a coffee shop and I say straight up and ask her, “I want to take you on a date. When are you free?” and she says yes, it’s cool. She has already expressed romantic and/or sexual curiosity. Nothing is guaranteed and you don’t assume that she says yes to a date and most everything, but she’s expressed romantic curiosity towards you. Wouldn’t it be great if I asked a woman on a date on Monday and the date set for Friday, to know in that period I have a date to look up to? On the flip side, as a woman on the receiving end, she can just relax.

I can’t tell you how many women say, “I would just love that.” I can know this isn’t a date, or if she’s not interested in him, you would know right away. “Thank you. That’s really sweet, I appreciate it, but I either have a boyfriend or I’m just not interested in that right now.”“Thank you so much. Cool,” you say it as a guy. You’ve saved tons of time. Think about it, you wasted a whole four days leading up to these ambiguous hangouts, and then you go on the day and it’s still ambiguous. Then you’ve got to start. There’s so much pressure to bust a move and make it clear that it’s a date while you’re on this non-date. Just forget about it. Just be upfront. Save yourself the time. If it’s not a date and you know she has no interest in you, find that out right away.

TL 072 | Never Say This On A Date

Never Say This On A Date: Just be upfront. Save yourself the time. If it’s not a date and you know she has no interest in you, find that out right away.

Then make a choice. Say, “If you’re not interested in dating me, I’d love to remain friends with you. Then let’s hang out.”That takes the question off the mind. I want to reflect back that this is what’s happening in society. I was born 1970. I’m a 47 year old man. There were no hangouts when I was growing up. It’s like, “Hi, would you like to go on a date?” There was that creaky voice of going up to a woman or passing the note into the locker, like, “Do you want to go on a date with me?” There was no hang out. As friends, we hung out, a bunch of guys and a bunch of girls, and strangely we ended up in the same place together on the high school field with cheap liquor that never went anywhere. In that, you pair up and then it ends well and deep. There was none of this ambiguous Netflix and chill.

One last thing, you see this in the movies a lot. The shy guy asks a woman, “You wouldn’t want to go on a date with me, would you?”He’s hesitant and expecting. No is no. “I want to take you on a date, like literally. I am declaring my desire to do this and I totally have full respect for your right to decline and whatever. I’m expressing my lead with the desire.”

In your perspective, why do you think men are so afraid to take this chance? What has happened to the evolution of men and dating that they are now so afraid and reticent to make this declaration?

I’ll speak from my own personal experience. First, all of it is just fear. Missing out fear like, “Oh my God,” like she’s just building up. She’s going to literally kill me. There’s that fear of the ultimate, she’s going to reject me. She’s going to say, “Get out of my face, you loser, you disgusting whatever.”It’s the worst case scenario, which never ever happened to me. If you pull most guys, they’ve never had that exact thing. If she’s reacting without such power, strength and venom, then there’s something more on her end, but it is on you. Think of it this way, I always try to say it’s an invitation. It’s like, “I’d like to enjoy your company for an hour or two next week, would you like to join me?” That’s all it is, it’s an invitation. Don’t let it be a mandate on your full existence as a man based on her response to this. It’s like not get rational about this to a certain degree.

At the same time I get there’s a lot of stress. It’s nerve wracking for a guy, for most men go up to a woman and ask her that. I totally get it. I’m not saying this from a place of that I’d had no fear and I was bold and fearless. It’s not that. There’s that piece and a lot of it also was I was born in ‘76 so there’s a certain generational thing that I resonate with you as well. We grew up before email, cell phones, texting and all this stuff. It’s easier to ask a woman to hang out on text, on Facebook, on Tinder, or whatever. There’s a lot more courage that it takes to do it in person, or on the phone or however. Technology has a role in this as well. It goes back to a little bit like I’m just a big stand in over the past few years of personal responsibility around in general for men.

I want this, I’m going to stand for this and just own up like, do you want this? Go for it and deal with it. Whatever the cards, you deal with it. There’s that piece too. There’s also this timidity that happens with any interaction that happens behind the screen. The irony of us being on screen right now, in a one to one reaction and one to one interaction being on a screen, it’s easy to ask on a screen, behind words and texts. It’s also easy to say no or even worse ghosting. That’s the biggest thing that pisses me off, especially when it is easy to ghost somebody. By ghosting I mean you phase out and you just disappear. You don’t reply. You go on a couple of dates and because of lack of interest or whatever, you just fade away.

That’s another thing about personal responsibility too. If you’re going to date and you’d have the courage to ask someone out on a date, you also have the courage to know how to have that conversation of when it’s not a fit, male or female, whoever you are. I think that’s the piece too. If you’re going to begin things, you’ve got to know how to end things too. You’ve got to land the plane, you can’t just jump out the parachute and leave the person hanging. I think it’s that level of personal responsibility, it’s just a scary experience when you build it up in your mind. Also a piece of this too is when you have a radiant woman that you are just blown away by, I’m sure you’ve experienced this yourself. It’s like you get fried. You freeze up if you don’t do anything, or when you do you’re kind of stumbling your way through it, and that’s totally fine.

If you’re going to begin things, you’ve got to know how to end things too. Click To Tweet

Cool, calm, collected, and fake your way through it on the inside.

The other thing is forget about the fucking intro, like, “I got to think of a cool line. Let me look at her. Let me see what she’s wearing so I can comment.” Who gives a shit? Just say, “Hi, my name is Jeffrey. I just wanted to approach you and talk to you.”

Do women like that though?

Just as men have fantasies of women in terms of whether it’s porn and physical beauty or whether it’s fantasies, women do have a certain Hollywood way of the smooth debonair, how we met story. That’s a big thing. Like, “How did you guys meet?” A lot of times, women want to have that sexy story, and so men have that, “I’m going to do it in a cool James Bond type way.” It’s one of these things where you’ve got to just lead with your desire and let that be the fuel. How it comes across is how it comes across. Have something in mind to say, but don’t stress out about it.

To bring back to my point about the radiance, the more work men can do on themselves, to get to a place of being okay with your own emotions, all the full range of them, the exciting, good feeling ones as well as the dark shaming ones, that helps you be with it. Your breath is your friend in any of those moments. That’s my long answer to your question. I’m curious to see if you have any of your own theories on this. What do you have?

I just did a show called “WTF with Romance.” There were ten things on an article I found that was great. The thing that I got from all the ten, they’re all great, but the number one that I liked was that people are jaded. There’s this meme of just why bother, this guy is going to turn out to be an asshole. This woman’s going to ghost me. There’s a definitive sickness in our society around romance because of all these games that people play it. The hangover of the twentieth century is upon us. The millennials are saying, “Screw this. I don’t want to have the same experience my parents have because they’re all divorced, they look miserable, and they’re not in touch with their emotions,” and theirs is a genuine hangover that’s been happening.

I like that phrase, hang over. It feels true because that’s why they like taking personal responsibility for your own like who you hang around with, the kinds of conversations for your own personal growth. If men only hang around other men that say, “Women are bitches,” how many chicks have you laid in the past month? Then women only hang around women say, “Men are dogs, men are pigs, they’re fucking disgusting, there are no good men out there, they’re all taken.” If you have these insular conversations, then it just reinforces that. Have that on a bigger scale too, and you have these talk shows and they reinforced that as well.

I think being really curating, perspectives and environments where you can start to transcend this, listening to podcasts like yours where you can have different conversations. Seriously, one of my biggest things is listening to awesome podcast where I can just expand my view and listen to different perspectives. I do think there is this jadedness that comes in and cynicism that comes around. That’s definitely prevalent and it’s hard to fight it, especially when you come across conversations about it. I’m coaching men around relationships and purpose in life. When I say what I do, and I work with men, the number one question I always get is, “Can you send some of the men you work with my way?”Women ask me that all the time.

TL 072 | Never Say This On A Date

Never Say This On A Date: Take personal responsibility for your own life like who you hang around with and the kinds of conversations for your own personal growth.

Many women. They’re saying, “You know any good men?” and I’m like, “I know some good men, but don’t kill them.” It’s like this back and forth between the two, and everyone’s frustrated.

Yes. It’s like a battle of the sexes.

This is a pragmatic show. I heard you said work on yourself, surround yourself with positive people, get educated from things like podcast. What else do you recommend to your clients who are men who lack the confidence, who don’t have the self-validation, who don’t have the belief that they’re worthy, and they want to ask a woman on a date, what do you specifically do with men to help them self-empower?

The first thing I work with on guys is getting to a place of owning your value and owning your own flavor of masculinity. I struggled with this my whole life. It still creeps up. There are archetypes in every culture, definitely the US and in other cultures. In my family, my mom is from Brazil and so there’s definitely Brazilian archetypes of masculinity and American archetypes. I grew up seeing the contrast right from US and Brazil. There’s definitely an overlap and there’s definitely differences. I think leading with that, having an inquiry into who am I as a man? What are the things that make me great as a man, individually as myself, not how do I compare?

One of the most painful things for myself that I always find myself questioning is not so much I wish I was that man, or I wish I was that man. It’s a total violation of who I am. I don’t even want to be myself. I want to be that guy. It’s a crazy thing that I caught myself saying a while back and was, “That’s not cool. No, I want to be me, but what can I do to bring myself back home to me?” It was more of a bigger answer to your question.

The first thing is you’ve got to own your value. My biggest trap, and a lot of guys do this, is they don’t value themselves. They’re not in good physical shape, they don’t have good solid male friendships, which is a huge thing for them to work on, brothers, that can be real wins. They don’t have a job that they like, they’re not making the money they like, they don’t have a sense of connection to themselves, and then they look for that woman. I did this for years, “I need to get a girlfriend so I can feel better about myself, get that validation from the outside in.” I get the girlfriend, I learned the skills of attraction, dating, and conversation, and then I got a girlfriend or start dating a woman for a few months.

The reality of who I am on the inside catches up and I sabotage it either directly or she starts to pick up like, “He’s not happy with himself or his life.”Then the relationship ends, and then I’m back to who I am not liking my life, and I may actually even a few steps below where I was when I started dating that woman. That’s primary. It’s like you’ve got to get those areas of life. It’s not a precursor. It’s not this, “I need to check off these boxes and then only then will I start to date. Only then will I feel myself worthy of a relationship.” It’s not like that. It can happen concurrently, but it has to be happening. That’s first and foremost.

You’ve got to own your value. Click To Tweet

A lot of it is just also practicing basic social skills in general too. Don’t just talk to the hot women you’re attracted to, talk to people in general. I If you’re like a hermit and you are silent all week long, and then you go out on a Saturday afternoon and you see a woman and it’s your first contact all week long, it’s going to put so much pressure on that. A lot of personal growth, in general, that fuels and supports interactions with women as well, so that’s a huge piece. To sum up, fostering really deep relationships with other men, healthy where you can be real.

Getting your own life rocking and rolling, I think a lot of guys can be like, “I have so much stuff I got to get fixed so that I can be worthy.” No, it’s not about that, it’s handling your life for you, not in order to get a woman. Do it because you value yourself, you want to be healthy, you want to look good, you want to feel good. You want to be in a career you love and a business you love. These are the foundations that support feeling good and approaching women.

You and I have the same viewpoint. I have the same agreement and women didn’t want to be your mother. If they have kids, they’re already a mother. They don’t mind mothering. They don’t mind being maternal at times, but they want a man who can stand up and hold his own. In our society, that was lost in the last generation, these tea cup kids, helicopter parents, and all these things have happened in the end of the twentieth century, we’re paying the price at this point.

Live Coaching

Let’s switch focus. I’m going to bring our guest on, it’s my buddy, Teddy. How are you, sir?

I’m doing well. I’m enjoying the conversation you and Jeffrey are having.

Teddy, how can we make this time most optimal for you?

I feel like I want to add on to the conversation that you guys have already been having. I’ve been taking a lot of good notes myself. I liked the piece of just being honest, I want to ask you on a date.

Are you single yourself?

Yes, I’m single. It just happened to me recently. I went to a concert with some friends and there was a woman there who I felt attracted to. We were dancing together and I got her phone number. Then I texted her the, “Do you want to hang out?”thing. She didn’t respond for about 24 hours, and I said something again, and she was like, “Sorry, I didn’t get back to you.” That was the end of the message and I hit a brick wall.

I’m curious, taking the part that you asked her to hang out, which that’s separate. Was there a rapport or connection such that you were surprised at her lack of response? Was there a vibe?

I felt a vibe personally. We were enjoying ourselves at the concert and before the concert started I had said to her, “I feel attracted to you. It doesn’t mean anything right now, not that I want to make out with you right now, tonight, or anything like that, but I just wanted to name it like so.”

What was the response to that?

She was like, “Thank you.” That was it, but as the night went on, there was an attraction. We were dancing close together and I felt a good vibe from her. At the end of the concert, I’m like, “Can I have your number? Let’s hang out,” and she was more than willing to give it up. I was a little disappointed when it happened. I also had an expectation and how I wanted the response to go. It relates to what you guys are talking about a little bit of being okay with someone saying no. It’s this gray area for me right now because it wasn’t an explicit no, it was more of I didn’t answer your question. It also starts with me not being 100%, “I want to take you out on a date,” upfront about it.

The simpler, clear and bold you can be, it’s like, “I want to take you now,” and then leave with that and let them respond. Ask them, “I want to go on a date,” or whatever phrasing you want to use, and then stop and let them respond. It’s okay if you’re not feeling it or if you want to just hang out as friends, just don’t add anything to it. Just be simple and clear and let them respond, and then trust that. It sounds like there was a connection that you felt and you explicitly even said, “I’m attracted,” and all that stuff. It’s more just an isolated incident. I don’t know what the preponderance of evidence is over time, what’s the pattern. Has this happened a lot with you as far as you asking and them disappearing or not answering? That’d be one thing to look at. That’s my quick thoughts.

TL 072 | Never Say This On A Date

Never Say This On A Date: Just be simple and clear and let them respond, and then trust that.

Were you sober during the dancing?

No, I wasn’t.

Here are a couple things I’ve noticed around relating. First off, I applaud saying that you felt attracted. You might have missed a step where there’s rapport building. Women have intense vigilance centers. They need a sense of security for them to open themselves up. You admit this attraction and she may be attracted or may not be attracted, there’s no way to know that, and then there’s substances or alcohol involved and all of a sudden you’re out of your body, your inhibitions are lowered, and then you feel free to dance. You’re also in a group environment at a concert, and etc.

Then you come back into the real life where there are not the same circumstances. and it’s almost like you’re dealing with a new person or the new aspect of the person. There might be an aspect where you need to start over, opening up that vigilance center, creating a safe space for her to feel attracted, and when you go right for the, “Do you want to hang out?” There might be a missing step. Something like, “I enjoyed spending time with you after the concert. How are you feeling?” There might be a few rapport building steps in there.

The sober thing helps too knowing that. It ties into what you guys were talking about earlier of this technology game of texting and calling. I feel boxed in sometimes with texting, but that’s the means that is expected these days in the rapport building phase. I also have this experience that I, like a lot of communication and feedback coming, skipped to that rather than do the rapport building.

What do you mean by you want feedback?

I value communication and being open and honest. In a relationship, I have this story in my head of how it would look or an experience in my life. You guys talked about with other men in my life with past relationships, this baseline level of what my expectation of being in a relationship with somebody means or how that translates into communication, and I want to be there right away. I want to get to that spot and it feels good to be in that spot, but I often skip the rapport building and get too excited.

It’s almost like you want to keep as far as what connection you want to maintain, the connection and the integrity of the connection over time, rather than jump a step. If you imagine silly putty, if you go too far it just gets thin and then you’re not maintaining the integrity. You want to maintain the connection all up, as Robert said, the rapport and the connection. Also, I don’t know how experienced or where you are around that energy and emotion and reading the nonverbal signals as well. That’s a huge piece because you want to notice that as well.

I’m into that stuff, reading energy and feeling the vibes. That’s where the phone and the technology barrier comes into play.

Do you have a preference? If you had it for you, you would just straight up call women and ask them and talk to them.


You don’t do it because?

I guess I’m scared to do it. I guess there’s a fear there.

I hear a couple of things that you’ve relayed. I sense you are looking for some validation that you’re doing it right, some over permission from women, and the women can actually feel that. They can feel that pole for them to validate. It can be so subtle, but it could be you want to know that you’re doing it right. The hero’s journey, the experience of just putting your neck out there to have the universe slice it open so you can feel the pain of the experience, that’s part of the hero’s journey. You do get reborn. You do have infinite lives in there, but again we’re just so afraid we’re walking around with our shoulders up by our ears because we’re so afraid to be vulnerable and exposed.

Women are the same way. It’s not just men, it just people are walking less invulnerable. The power of the phone is that you don’t have to deal with that. You can just stop, done, want to hang out? Person A. Want to hang out? Person B. They don’t know that. The piece for you is, one, building that rapport, two, sit in the uncomfortable sensation of the vulnerability of the ask. To Jeffrey’s point, just to show up and to be a man and stand up and take the “risk” of exposing yourself. Open your heart, open your system in order for the women to feel you.

I’m sitting in the uncomfortable sensation of the vulnerability. That’s a good nugget there. I’d boil it down a little bit by saying, “Hanging out,” or I’m not even making the phone call that I think that I feel I would like to make.

You’ll get a feel. I do get the sense that the younger generation of phone calls like, “What are you calling me for?”I get that. I’m sensitive to that and there’s also lead with what with your own preference. Maybe if you have a conversation with a woman at some point, but around that, do like calls? Do you want to text? For now, I think what Robert said is on point, to lead with your vulnerability.

I always say this around confidence that the Latin root is with trust, so with someone’s confident they’re just trusting themselves. When someone is confident, they are just trusting that no matter what happens, they got their back, they got their own back. I was like, cool, if I go and talk to this woman, no cool, she says no or she is rude or whatever, I’m cool. I trust myself that I got this handled no matter what.

When someone is confident, they are trusting that no matter what happens, they got their own back. Click To Tweet

How do you transition from texts and electronic means to voice? I don’t know if I’ve ever heard anyone discuss that, because we’ve lived in such a text focused, 140 character, swipe left, swipe right world. How do you make that transition?

I’ve just seen all this virtual reality is coming out and like, “Pretty soon we’ll be able to go on a date without even having to be in the same room. We can just like my avatar dates your avatar, we go into this vacation.” It’s definitely coming at some point. For me, the height of the bridge that’s actually, I’m doing more and more is sending voice messages to people either on iMessage, WhatsApp, Voxer, or Facebook, just straight up leading with that, but it’s kind of like a bridge for right now.I just like to hear a voice that easier.

The other thing is I think it’s just kind of people need to start just leading with that. Like you and I, Robert, Teddy too, it’s like just call out of the blue. I called a friend recently and it was one of those things where like, “What’s going on? How are you doing?” “I only have like five or ten minutes, but let’s chat anyways.” What a concept. It doesn’t have to be an hour long catch up call every month. I can just call out of the blue and whoever’s available, if we can talk for a few minutes just to connect. We don’t do that anymore. It’s always like, “Let’s check on my calendar. I’ve an hour next week,” it’s like appointment mentality. It’s just leading with, “Let me just call whoever I want to call, whoever I’m inspired to, “I’m thinking of you.” “I was just thinking of you too. Let’s chat.”

That level of bringing that informality back to it, part of it is we think of it as a big deal now. It’s like, “Big deal. It’s a phone call.” It’s just twenty years ago that’s all we had. It was either in person or phone, in person or phone, or mail, post order letter, that’s it. There’s only three options, maybe a telegram. Now it’s like there’s so many options that were kind of like, can we default to that think the easiest, the lowest, the path of least resistance, which is the text.

Let’s bring it back to Teddy.

I had a similar thought as you were saying before Jeffrey spoke of, as an add on like, “I’m going to take you out on a date. When are you free next week?” She’s like, “Yes, Thursday, whatever.” I could be like, “Can I give you a call? I’ve got a couple of options in mind.

Imagine dance, salsa dancing. It’s the metaphor dance comes up a lot, and she says yes to the dance. Then you’re asking, “Do you want to turn left or right now? What do you want to do? Do you want to do a twirl? Do you want to go back? Do you want forward? Do you want to dip?” Every moment you’re asking her what to do, it can get probably exhausting for both of you as my guest and not as fun. Whereas if you just in that context, you take the lead, and kind of overtime and as your sensitivity grows, “She doesn’t really like those turns that much. Let me try a different move.” It’s almost like just take the lead, respect her no, whatever she says, whatever her preferences are as you lead, and trust in her agency.

This is in the early stages. Over time, as you develop a relationship, you’re going to be more explicit in your preferences and more processing and other stuff, but for now I would say just ask her on a date, make a suggestion, pick something, just pick something. There’s all these funny videos out there of men and women deciding, “What do you want to do tonight? What do you want to do tonight?” It’s like somebody’s got to take the lead. Take the lead since you’re initiating the invitation. You’re the one.

TL 072 | Never Say This On A Date

Never Say This On A Date: Somebody’s got to take the lead. Take the lead since you’re initiating the invitation.

I like that, taking the lead. It also ties into your conversation with Robert at the beginning around the motherly piece. Women just wanting to take the lead sometimes, most of the time, especially early on.

I’ve heard this time and time again that women are complaining, men are acting like boys and men are clicked, complaining that women are acting more like men. If there is a transition that’s going on in our society and there’s an effect on the dating and romance. Every step of the way where you can be, like Jeffrey said, finding your own version of masculinity to come into that, to find your role in that, not to be opposed or anyone else’s but to find your own for authentically to be who you are. That’s the most attractive thing about you, and that’s really what they’re looking for. Then to step up and be bold and just to say, “I’m going to show up and be a full man and let’s see what happens.”

Thank you so much for being on the show.

Thanks, Teddy. Thanks for trusting us to give you some feedback.

Thanks for having me.

You’re awesome, Jeffrey. As expected, do you want to tell the folks who work with you? How they connect with you, social media?

You can just connect with me on, and then same thing on InstagramTwitter, my website If you’re a guy listening to this or if you’re a woman who knows a guy that could benefit from working together with me, I got this four step process that I’ve developed that guide men and support good men to become more visible and own and express their unique value. Not just with women but with their work and with life. That’s something that’s really missing is just the good men needs to be more visible. They need to stand up and just be louder. Not in an obnoxious way or a boisterous way, but grounded, powerful, just rise up, stand up and own your goodness and then share that with the world. Just reach out to me, and I’m happy to connect with anybody on any of those methods.

Thank you so much for being on the show.

Thank you, Robert. I appreciate the invitation. It’s been fun. I love riffing with you on this stuff and it’s just been a blast.

Thank you so much. Go forth, get some nookie. Take a chance. Pick up the phone, dial the numbers. Don’t worry about their mom. Their mom is not going to answer the phone because it’s their own cell phone. You’re lucky these days compared to me when I had to face the mom or the day. The dad was worse than the mom. Love you. Take care.

Resources mentioned:

About Jeffrey Platts

TL 072 | Never Say This On A DateJeffrey’s passion is based on one belief—every man that wants to can be in a relationship with a well-matched women, can.

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