070: Sexual Self-Mastery with Destin Gerek

As precocious twelve year-old boys, we discovered sexual drives that push us to do things we would normally hide from our parents. As we grow into adulthood, we need to reprogram that concept and turn this biological urge into energy and expression of our desires. Destin Gerek calls this reprogramming as sexual self-mastery that helps men connect and control that sexual energy for their partner.

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This is a special show because I invited my good friend, Destin Gerek, to come on to talk about the content of sexual self-mastery and how men are not well trained to really feel and connect to their body where we’re learned to masturbate and being engaged with porn and our minds and very rarely with our body. He gives some awesome tips of how to transmute yourself from where you are to the sexual self-master that you truly want to be. We then go to London and meet a new friend named Nelson who talks about his journey around his sexuality and where he’s at. For more shows, please visit us at TuffLove.Live.

I have a really special guest, my friend Destin Gerek, who will talk about the concept of sexual self-mastery. Something that I think all of us probably could use a little more of, want our partner to have a little more of, etc. Just bringing this stuff to the forefront, which I think is really the concept of Tuff Love is to be able to bring what’s inside out. I’m really excited to see where this show goes.

I want to talk about Destin. I had this flash of remembering the first time I saw Destin Gerek was 2006 when he came into a center I was running in San Francisco, the OneTaste Center, and he was in full Bernie Man garb. Like the chaps, not revealing chaps but it was Olson Street, but it was the chaps and there was the holsters and it was a Tuesday morning. It wasn’t a Friday night, it was a Tuesday morning. I was like, “This guy is interesting.” Then we remain connected, and then I had the honor of working with him for about five months as he put on something called Evolve Live in January 2015 in Los Angeles. I just watched the dedication of this man to his craft and to his practice. The only word I have is respect. That character, who has met twelve years previous really showed up, both in the process of creating the events but also at the event with just profound professionalism, caring, service and so I’m really honored to bring Destin onto the show.

First of all, thank you for that really wonderful introduction. Yes, I do a lot of podcast interviews, summits, and all of that kind of thing is always an extra pleasure to deal with somebody who I have a history with, I know, I like, and have a lot of respect for as well. I’m really an honor to be on your podcast and to engage with your community in this way.

The first thing, sexual self-mastery is the topic we picked, it was the one you focus on. Maybe you could just define that. What does that mean to you and what does that mean to our audience?

To clarify, the vast majority of my work these days is with men. While there’s certainly overlap when we talk about sexual self-mastery between men and women, the vast majority of times when I’m speaking about it, I’m speaking of a man’s experience with sexual self-mastery. What I really mean is coming to really connect to your sexual energy as an energy versus just a biological urge that rather than just as this thing that has been driving you in one form or another since you were twelve years old or what have you. I think as our sexuality comes online at that time, if not before, and it’s just incredible, powerful, often overwhelming force inside of us, but we’re not really given any proper instruction manual on what to do with it. The vast majority of guidance that does exist around it is more harmful than helpful.

You mean those sex ed classes weren’t helpful? The rabbits and the diagrams?

There’s rabbits and diagrams of sex ed, which can go anywhere from a relatively progressive, comprehensive sex education to a large chunks of the US are still getting abstinence only sex education. If we look at us on a more global scale, many people don’t even get that. Though arguably, especially the abstinence only sex education, you may be better off getting nothing than getting it. Anyway, we’re not really given the proper guidance around this force that’s so powerful in our lives and we’re left to fend for ourselves to figure this out.

Most young men, we very quickly go into masturbating multiple times a day and here’s this energy inside of us that need to release it. We develop patterns around self-pleasure, masturbation particularly, that are generally rooted in how do I get this done as quickly and quietly as possible so I don’t get caught. These are the initial imprints that we’re putting into our neurological system on what our sexuality is and how our bodies to respond sexually. Then we wonder why so many adult men are dealing with premature ejaculation, I prefer the term rapid ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction issues and not only have we trained our bodies to come quickly, but we’re also imbuing our sexuality initially with a sense of shame, guilt, and fear.

Sexual self-mastery is reprogramming all of that. Really realizing, “We’re conscious beings. We’re adults at this point. What is the sexual expression that you really want, that you really desire, and what are the habits and practices that you can bring into your life to create that? That you ultimately end up having total choice over when or if you ejaculate.” This isn’t really about, “Learn to last a few minutes longer or even double the amount of time.” Once you really know how to connect to your sexual energy and move that energy, time is not a factor. It is not a factor. It doesn’t matter. You could be going for two minutes, you could be going for two hours or even longer. It doesn’t matter. I consider premature ejaculation anytime that’s before you were choosing to.

I want to switch topics because one, we could go on a theory forever, but I’m pragmatic Jew. This is a pragmatic New York Jewish podcast. We get down to the nitty-gritty, we get down to the extraordinary practices from modern times. How do men and how do the women in the men’s life or the men’s in the men’s life, how do you support someone or how do you create this practice for them?

We’ve got two different things I just heard from you. One is the man himself who wants to gain greater sexual self-mastery, and the other is his partner or lovers who want to help support him in doing so. We’ll start with the self. Change how you masturbate. Let’s start there. If you’re like most men, masturbation involves looking at a screen, moving images, pouring what have you. While one hand is, it used to be the right hand, now I think more men are using a left hand, so that the right can be clicking around. One hand around the shaft, up, down, up, down, up, down. All of the attention is here. It’s not in the body, it is out on the screen in front of you. If masturbation equals porn for you, turning off porn and learning to connect to self-pleasure without it is a big change. It’s a big change. You have programmed your body to respond with a particular type of really intense stimulation that’s akin to certain hardcore drugs.

You get these hits, it’s designed to drive you towards rapid ejaculation and it works. It works to pull in. If you want to be able to have greater connection to your body and create better experiences for yourself and your partner, you need to be more connected here. Turn it off and take the attention into your body. This can be incredibly confronting for a lot of men. A lot of men are really disconnected from our bodies. We spend our time here, whether we’re talking of porn, simply at our computers, sitting behind the wheel of a car, or perhaps sitting on a couch looking at TV. Much of the time is here. Feeling into this, whether you’re adding things like yoga and massage, or martial arts or working on anything that gets you into your body more can help, but then starting to connect the being in your body more with sex and pleasure.

You’re saying turn off the porn and the video screen. You’re also saying turn off the porn in your mind?

Ultimately, yes, and going from a hundred to zero and zero to a hundred is a lot. Fantasy can be a great point in between, especially where you can dip in and outs. Go from your images, your thoughts, whatever, into let me feel into my body. Let me look at what I’m doing. What do I notice? What do I feel in the body? All that I’m saying so far, this can apply equally to women. What I’m talking about here is what I call establishing a practice of erotic self-exploration. I differentiate this from masturbation habits because just about everyone has a masturbation habit. It’s a habit. Is that what you do because it’s what you do, it’s how you get off. Intensity, goal oriented, you do it in order to come. The practice of erotic self-exploration is a practice like any other practice. It’s time that you are intentionally setting aside. When you’re initially on this practice, I actually recommend setting an alarm, like a timer, so that you know no matter what, you’re going to be in this in this practice for this period of time.

Practice of erotic self-exploration, so actively exploring your own eroticism, your own sexuality. Rather than the focus being on coming, the focuses on discovery, the focus on exploration, the focus is on what else is possible to feel and experience here. You did one thing, it’s you how you masturbate. In our ESEs, Erotic Self-Explorations, if your first rule is simply anything but that, anything outside of what you do immediately expands your sense of possibility and you’re already beginning to rewire your system to experience pleasure in new ways. We’re doing this in part though as well so that you can learn to slow down. This is something that women by and large crave more from their man. Slow down, if you learn to slow down in your connection to your own body, your own sexuality, and your own sexual response system, it’s going to be way easier for you to connect to her from that slowed down places well.

There’s a reason why I built this out as a lengthy course, is that there’s a lot in here. Essentially you’re learning to connect into the energy of your sexuality. If you don’t connect to the concepts of energy, thinking of it when you feel the pleasure sensation, there’s a sensation directly on the skin, but then there’s the buildup of pleasure in your body and the buildup of tingling sensations. Maybe pressure, maybe warmth, and if you’re like most men that you feel all that pleasure or maybe even your orgasm almost entirely in your pelvis, in your cock, in your balls, in the area around this. A big part of learning to last as long as you want, to be able to move that energy more freely to experience full body orgasms versus just genitally based, and even non ejaculatory energetic orgasms and the holy grail of male, multiple orgasms, involves reprogramming yourself so your pelvis is not the container of your sexual energy. Your entire body is a container of that sexual energy.

I know that’s a lengthy course and probably years of practice, but what’s the first step? Is there a course? Your course, but is there something people can do if they can’t do your course? A book or something you recommend?

The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know

There are some good books on the subject. One of the reasons why I’m developing my course in the first place is that I didn’t connect to any of them. The seminal book, that’s been around for two decades or more. I picked it up two decades ago, so probably more is The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia. I found that book when I was nineteen years old and I thought I struck gold. I started going through it and I was a New York Jew as all at the time. It was very much rooted in an energetic approach that I couldn’t relate to. I started going through it and ultimately just ends up on my shelf and I did nothing with it and took another, but eight years later I was multi-orgasmic. I’d realized a number of reasons why I got there but I ended up realizing, “I am regularly having experiences that most men don’t even realize are possible.”

That’s what led me to first be like, “How do I reverse engineer this?” I had another guy in the community is like, “Teach me.” I’m like, “I don’t know if I can do that.” He’s like, “Teach me.” I’m like, “Let’s go.” Six weeks later he had his first nine ejaculatory energetic orgasm and then another, and went into multiples and all of a sudden I’m like, “It’s transferable.” Then I’ve just been honing the process. That was six weeks for him. In the years you can continue to hone it and the capacity and all sorts of incredible places you can go with it, but there’s amazing things you can do in relatively short periods of time if you bring your attention there.

Everyone know that this is just the tip of the iceberg, but what you’re saying really is important because I think it is hope. I think there’s places where men don’t feel like they have hope. I’m going to be a premature ejaculator my entire life. I’m not going to feel gratified my entire life. I’m going to have ED my entire life but what you’re actually saying is that there’s hope.

These two things, premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, on the surface seem like they’re opposite problems, but they’re actually not. I work with the same basic principles for men who are struggling with both of those things, and it’s really about connecting more deeply to the body. Learning to connect to this energy and start to feel these subtle sensations in the body. Then once you have that, it’s just like little shifts in different directions, depending on whether you want to be able to last longer and move that energy more fully or if you want to allow that feeling or that energy to concentrate more and keep you more erect and aroused. It’s actually quite close.

For partners wanting to support men in this practice, can you give a little spiel?

First of all, thank you. He is blessed to have you because not every man has that. Being in that open, honest, compassionate, non-judgmental, supportive energy with him is huge. From there, allow him his process. There’s a good chance that he carries shame, guilt or fear around whatever those challenges that he’s dealing with and by being the ever constant loving support there, that alone could simply allow him to relax enough that’s quite a bit of it goes away on its own. On top of that, I actually find that it can help quite a bit to allow the man to be in the receiver role where he doesn’t need to be focused on doing and performing. Which by the way, men, remove the word and concept of performance when it comes to sex out of your vocabulary. It does not help the situation in any way, shape or form. Sex is about connecting. Sex is about place.

Sex is about creating powerful experiences together but non-performance disconnects. It’s the opposite of intimacy. It also puts you in a spot that doesn’t help you. Allow him to relax. Allow him to be on his back. Be the giver of pleasure, allow him to simply feel into his body and knowing that there’s nothing, there’s no way that he needs to be. There’s no right or wrong here other than to just notice what’s going on. If he is not erect the entire time, how much of a pleasurable, enjoyable experience can the two of you have with him completely not erect? If he comes very quickly, how can you continue the exploration rather than, “I came really quickly. Shit.” Now it’s shut down in shame and maybe push you away or what have you, and now it’s off to something else. Stay in it. Stay connected, stay loving, stay in touch, stay engaged.

Men with trauma, sexual trauma, emotional trauma, any kind of trauma, bring that to the bedroom. It’s such a crucial part of who we are. What are a few thoughts you have around helping men with trauma and the steps they can take? I know this is an hour of conversation to tell, but give us some initial thoughts.

I think that space of unconditional love and acceptance is huge, incredibly powerful in a person’s life, let alone man’s life. That trauma can show up in different ways. There is fight, flight or freeze. Now, if that trauma’s coming out in anger or rage, first and foremost, make sure that you are safe. Encourage additional support and professional support, particularly if that’s the case. If it’s in freeze, how can you maintain a connection? That’s really the basis here. Get out of the directionality of, “This is what sex is and supposed to be,” and man gets erect, hopefully woman gets wet, kiss, kiss, sucks, sucks, stick it in, plans a few times, come, man, maybe hopefully woman, pull out and we’re done.

Erase that model. Instead of this linear progression, allow sexual experience to be like this. Go anywhere that it wants to go, it needs to go in any moment. That simply means remaining in connection, particularly in place of trauma or any difficult situations. Slow it down and when you think you’ve slowed down, slow down even more. Allow for a lot of pauses and just dropping in with one another, feeling one another, particularly in places of trauma. Bring your attention more to the intimacy and the connection, then the goal.

I realize I have trauma. I really have realized that from some experiences, a ten-year experience I had that I do have elements of trauma and I’m still realizing the pieces of that. Then the shame on top of the trauma is the killer. It’s like I shouldn’t have trauma, but I’ve shamed that I have trauma, that I’m ashamed about trauma.

Especially as a man, women at least you’re supposed to be the victims. That’s the biggest impediment for us as men. That’s the biggest difficulty in getting help because even recognizing or admitting that it would be helpful.

We’re going to bring Nelson from London. Hello, Nelson.

How are you?

How are you doing my brother?

I’m doing very well.

We’d love to talk about any issue and how can we use this time as for you to add the most to your life? What do you want to talk about?

It’s certainly quite interesting that we’re doing this right now in my life because I’m being quite exploring since the beginning of the year on those questions. Not only on the sexual part but also in terms of relationship and intimacy, which I think is enough connected. It’s amazing since I’ve been asking myself those questions, which I think is actually quite a shame because a lot of men miss that. When you start being more connected to your body and to your partner, it’s amazing how huge your sex life can have a burst into something incredible. What I guess my questions would be more like from there I feel like I’m walking step by step into the dark. How to go from where I am in my exploration to where the multi-orgasm being more connected to your body and really being the place where you’ll really not focus on the results and really more enjoying you and your partner, basically.

I think that’s what I’m getting from you is that you really committed to your own exploration, sexual journey and connecting to your partner in this way, but there’s something that you feel is in the way of you being able to drop into those deeper levels?

I feel that’s not like where do I go from there? I don’t know if there is a clear path not necessarily.

Do you have a regular sexual partner now?

I did, not now not regularly.

There are certain aspects of this that can be easier when you are with somebody regularly because it allows a deeper relaxation to take place. The bottom line here is how can you end up being the safe container for yourself before that deeper relaxation? On a certain level, it may sound cliché, but I’ve really found that cultivating self-love and self-acceptance really goes a long way towards all of this. That when you are in a place of greater ease in your own self, in your own body and you can just be with your sexuality, you can just be in that with somebody else as well. This practice I brought up of the erotic self-exploration actually can be a really powerful shame destroyer as well, because it’s basically forcing you to be with yourself. Not here, but really being with yourself, being with your body, being, with your turn on, in different states of arousal to cause and notice.

Notice your feelings in your body, notice where your mind is at, notice the stories and stuff that come up in here and then come back into it. It touched everywhere, look for the parts of your body that maybe you have judgment about or if you aren’t as comfortable with. How can you give love and acceptance to that part that’s may feel the furthest from it at the moment. Take extra time there, be in front of a mirror. Doing those types of things put you into a practice of ease with yourself. Ease with your turn on. Ease with your sexuality. When you show up as that, basically you create a space within the partner that you are with can suddenly feel more at ease with their own sexuality and your presence.

That sounds very interesting. It feels to me that is very connected to kind of state that you would obtain by meditating, for example.

Masturbation is meditation. Sex is meditation.

What resonates to me is that what I visualize as a sexual practice by doing that would be something quite soft and by that sometimes very soft and caring. I’m wondering how that can resonate to when with your partner is interested in maybe something more intense, more powerful. How to connect with that too?

I think that too often there is this idea that connected sex are intimate sex and needs to be this soft, tantric type of sexual experience, which I’m also a big fan of. You can have just as incredibly powerful and connected sex that’s rip, roaring, intense, even rough or kinky. I’m a huge fan, honestly of creating range in ourselves, in all areas of our lives, including our sexuality. The bottom line part is that you’re slowing down enough that you can be more fully present with what’s going on. Use your senses, your sight, your hearing, your smell, your touch, your taste to get out of your head and be more fully in your body. Your senses themselves are the gateway to deeper presence. When you are fully in your senses, you’re not up in your mind chatter. When you are fully in this body, that’s the place where you can create real and deep connection with somebody else.

Also particularly, I believe that when you’re going into those really rough or intense places, it’s all the more important to be tapped in, tuned in to your partner to feel what she or he is feeling so that you don’t unintentionally hurt the person, that you’re keeping things moving in the direction you really want them to be going. Practicing that capacity to both feel your own body and what’s going on there all the way down to the subtle levels, and from there being able to feel into somebody else, feel into this person that you’re connecting with and notice their micro changes from changes in their breath, changes in the musculature and their body, their facial expressions. All of these things are giving you constant feedback whether or not their mouth is moving. Does that make sense?

Yes, it does. I’ve been doing two things. I feel like what is important is really being able to be connected with your body, which was quite a hard thing for me. I’ve been doing two parties is I’ve been wondering if you had as examples of practices that someone could do to stop being more connected to your body. One is movement meditation and trying also dancing and one is orgasmic meditation. I’ve been wondering what else excellent for you as practices that allow someone that has trouble connecting to your body to start being able to do that more normally.

Three times a charm. The best practice I can suggest to you is this erotic self-exploration practice. There’s a reason why even ten years now I’ve been teaching my clients and others to incorporate this practice in some way because the wide range of ways it can help support you and having a connection to self and your sexuality that you desire or it’s just vast. Dancing is wonderful for connecting to your body, to noticing what’s going on there using the whole body. Orgasmic meditation puts you really focused into particularly single point focus as well as feeling into somebody else and their subtle responses. I think I do pretty good at speaking to that now as somebody who’s never actually done it.

The thing with the Erotic Self-Exploration, the ESEs, now here’s another way for you to just be here. When I’m talking about the erotic self-exploration, I don’t just mean the ways for you to touch your dick. It’s bring all of this in. Touch, squeeze, caress and pull your own hair and run your fingers across your skin and squeeze, slap, pull and stretch your body and move, get up and dance, drop and do some push-ups and just engage your entire body and your genitals. You’ve got your body and then there’s your dick. For most people we learn to compartmentalize like that. Through most of our walking lives, it’s as if our genitals don’t exist. In sexual situations, it’s like nothing else exists. This is about more of a full integration, starting to make sure that when you are in aroused states or bringing yourself into aroused states, bring more of your body in. You got two hands. Bring your whole body to the situation.

Let me also mention something as there’s the body, which I think Destin is talking perfectly about and there’s also your mind. It’s also the investigation of your shame. It’s also investigate of those parts I feel blocked and I think it’s a contract between the two, because we really do live in a shame-based society of disapproval where your sexuality has a very small space and you’re shamed if you go outside this box. Your willingness to look at your own viewpoints, the places where you stopped yourself, where your foot’s on the brake around your viewpoints about yourself, your approval on yourself is also a huge piece of the puzzle, because I just know I’m a freak. I’m happily a freak but it took me a long time to break out of the Jewish, nice guy yuppie of straight missionary sex. It took me awhile to figure out that I have a huge appetite and all different flavors and once I moved into that, then the sexuality around it increased as well.

Thank you for that. One small question, maybe is actually the same answers as before, but what about also being able to move the sexual energy in your body? I know there’s been a lot of talk about this idea which I find elusive, so I was wondering if you guys have some input about how to manage right to achieve that.

The four main tools for moving energy, period, and including sexual energy are breath, sound, movement, and visualization. By visualization it just simply mean about seeing in your mind’s eyes, this is the imagination that you were certainly in touch with as a kid and hopefully you still have some connection to. For a lot of people, when you’re getting more and more aroused, you’re going to find that two things happen. Your breath becomes more shallow and more rapid, and or at a certain point you start to hold your breath, and secondarily that your body starts to tense up more and more and more. Particularly, your pelvic floor muscles, your abs, your buttocks and your thighs will start to clench. That is great if you want to ejaculate because that is going to drive you towards ejaculation. You’re ready? You want to do that? Great. If that’s not what you’re wanting to do in that moment, the beautiful thing is while those things can happen unconsciously, you also have conscious control over all of that.

You can learn to consciously slow down and deepen your breath. Particularly putting a focus on your exhale to lengthen out your exhale. Think of it as like releasing air from a bicycle tire. With your body, particularly working with that exhale that as you’re exhaling, feeling your body just relax, release, like noticing the place that are tense and practice letting them go. When you are shortening your breath and you are holding it and tightening your muscles, it’s concentrating that sexual energy. It’s like the body is clenching up and if this is the generator of your sexual energy, it’s getting concentrated and held in there until it needs to move the one way it knows. Pop. By helping it all relax, it’s one of those steps to be able to start allowing that energy to move more freely through more of your body. and therefore again, first of all, your whole body is a lot larger than your pelvis, so you have a larger container to fill, which takes more time, much more stamina.

Sound was left my keys that came in for me on my journey to experiencing all these pleasurable things. It was really confronting for me. The model is you’re supposed to be having crazy, screaming orgasms of the slightest touch. As men, we’re supposed to be silent. Maybe we can let out the occasional grunt or, “Yeah, baby,” but that’s about it. Neither of these models is particularly helpful. Sound doesn’t need to be just performance, nor does it need to be stifled, but rather both an expression and exploration of the pleasure that you’re feeling. There’s no end to types of sounds that you can make. Doesn’t really matter. I’m going over the top intentionally because I really have come to believe that your capacity to make sound and be loud is directly tied up in your sense of freedom.

If you want to be free, if you want to be sexually free, fucking make sound. The other thing about sound is it quiets the mind. It drowns out the mental chatter. As you’re making that sound as well, not only does it quiet up that might, get you more in here, but it helps that energy starts to move more through the body. This is why women make sound during pleasure and orgasm because it makes the whole thing feel so much better than if they were just silent through it. Likewise, if you’ve ever had a partner who just was entirely silent during sex or oral sex, how much fun was that for you? Yet that is the experience that too many women have with too many men. “When I go down on him, how do I know if he’s even liking it?” I call it the secrets of getting more blowjobs.

How’s that sound for you, Nelson?

It sounds very well actually. It sounds the right direction in terms of how I felt I should go, so I can’t wait to start experimenting on that. I guess the key for me now is like to communicate and explain that with my partner on those ideas.

Have fun. Sex is fun. Thank you so much for being on the show, Nelson. I really appreciate it.

Thank you guys.

Nelson, why don’t you tell the world how they can find you, how they can work with you. Brag about yourself for a second.

I’ve been doing this a long time, twenty years now, in fact. My main focus these days is with what I call The Evolved Masculine Path, EvolvedMasculine.com. Actually, a gift I’d like to give to all of you is what I called The Evolved Masculine Blueprints. With the Evolved Masculine, we focus on three main threat things, what I call Deep Masculine Empowerment. Who are you as a man? Was being a man mean to you? What’s your connection to this thing called masculinity? What are the aspects of that that you’d like to bring more into yourself and embodying the world?

Second, sexual self-mastery which we’ve touched on. The third being understanding and gratifying women. Thank you, Robert for helping to find that last name years ago. Understand gratifying women. Women today, especially the empowered woman on a developmental path. She wants and needs different things from a man than her mother, grandma. She would be demanding it. Yet a lot of men today are very confused as to what that is, how to meet it. Those are the three main areas we really dive into with the Evolved Masculine Path.

My gift to you, The Evolved Masculine Blueprint is a ten-minute audio that’s really a transmission or download that I’ve developed over the course of a decade. What I really see as a model of masculinity and masculine expression that we can aspire towards, that can inspire us. Too much today seems like we either have crappy models based on an old patriarchal system that we know is dying and we have a lot of bad, wrong, don’t be that, but I really believe that as men we need not just what not to do, but inspiring models to move towards, and that’s what that is. EvolvedMasculine.com/Blueprint.

My free gift to you, ten minute audio. It’s potent. I’m certain you’ll find value in it. EvolvedMasculine.com or DestinGerek.com. We are in the midst of final enrollment right now for the next round of our 90-Day Transformational Developed Masculine Path Community where we’re just taking in fifteen men total to be a basically small group masterminds through a 30 days focused on each of those topic areas for the transformation. If you’re ready to make a full and deep commitment to make changes in your life in that way, reach out now because now we’re going to close the doors soon. Thank you again for having me on, Rob.

Thanks so much for being on the show.

TuffLove.Live. We’ve got shows, downloads happening, working on my platform, writing the book. I also am proud to announce my own men’s program, very different from Destin’s online program. It’ll be a four week program. Online, special Rob Kandell, Tuff Love, magic en route to you. Me, Dustin, whatever. Find your path. Spend the time and energy on yourself because you’re worth it. If you don’t put attention on yourself, then who else will, so do it. Go forth. Get some nookie. Think of us. We think of you. We love you. Take care.

Thank you for joining us for Tuff Love. That was an amazing episode. Destin laying down some serious wisdom. Nelson coming on and just showing us some extreme vulnerability in truth. I had a great time, I learned a lot, and I’m really grateful. For those of you interested in supporting the show, please visit Patreon.com/TuffLove to make a donation and be a subscriber to the show. Thank you so much. Visit us at TuffLove.Live if you want some more information. Go forth, face a day, get some nookie, and we’ll talk to you soon.

Resources mentioned:

• • • Destin Gerek
    • OneTaste Center
    • The Multi-Orgasmic Man
    • The Evolved Masculine Path
    • EvolvedMasculine.com
    • EvolvedMasculine.com/Blueprint
    • DestinGerek.com

About Destin Gerek

Destin Gerek, a dynamic self-mastery coach, is a man living his life as art. Destin has gracefully carved out an enduring position for himself as a world respected figure in neo-Tantra and sexuality education. As a sought-after sexuality and transformational life coach, speaker, blogger, and educator on all aspects of masculinity, sex, sacred sexuality, Tantra, and erotic empowerment, Destin Gerek is challenging traditional societal beliefs and helping people create powerful change in their lives in the process.

A recognized authority in the areas of sexuality, personal transformation, and spirituality Destin is a California State Certified Sexologist through the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, and protégé of world-renowned sexologist Joseph Kramer.  A graduate from New York University with a BA, Major in Sociology, Minor in Psychology, and a concentration in Human Sexuality, Destin is also a trained Certified Sex Educator through San Francisco Sex Information. Having participated in hundreds of hours of continuing education, thousands more in research and development, Destin’s depth of experience and educational background is extensive and unique.

Now blazing a path into the world of sexually, spiritually-oriented transformation, Destin recently created and produced a new live weekend event , Evolve LIVE: A Spiritual/Sexual Transformation…, with over 200 attendees who flew in from around the world to take part in this potent weekend experience.

Destin has been featured in television, radio, print, and internet media for his expertise and insight into the often mysterious world of sex. His passion, depth of experience, enthusiastic “sex-positive” message, and no-holds-barred rock star attitude make Destin a lively and smart media “sexpert”. Destin has made appearances on Tech TV, CurrentTV, Showtime, and his work has been featured in Details Magazine, Yoga Journal, San Francisco Chronicle, and other Associates Press syndicated newspapers across the US, and more.

Being passionate about education, Destin has extensive experience as a workshop creator and leader. A ten-year participant of the Burning Man Arts Festival, Destin has led numerous workshops on the playa, each packed to capacity with well over 100 participants each.  Over the years, Destin has facilitated dozens of erotic workshops ranging from PG to XXX in San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, Sedona, Baja Mexico, Seattle, Ashland, Portland, New York, Maui, Big Island Hawaii, Byron Bay, Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Bali, and more!

Through his one of a kind transformational self-mastery mastermind course, “The Evolved Masculine Path,” Destin has taught men to deepen their connection to their masculine essence, increase their sexual energy, better understand women, gain ejaculatory control, experience full-body orgasms, and even to achieve the coveted “male multiple orgasm.” The greatest power of Destin’s transformational program is that he embodies it. Destin has taken all that he’s learned, studied, and explored, and integrated it fully into his being, such that he really walks his talk.  All avenues spoken for, Destin has reached people with his message on at least six continents (we’re not sure about Antartica!), empowering individuals, couples, and groups worldwide to openly, intelligently, and intentionally explore their sexuality.

In 2006, he attended the Daka/Dakini Conference in Sedona, Arizona, where he found his ranks among other leading sex educators. Since then, he has been invited back each year as a presenter. Most recently, Destin was flown in to appear as a featured presenter at the 3rd Annual Australasian Conference on Sexuality and Consciousness in Byron Bay, Australia, also to Berlin, Germany for the European Conference on Sex and Consciousness, and to be Master of Ceremonies at the 11th Annual North American Conference on Sexuality and Consciousness in Sedona, AZ.

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