Being nice does not mean you are being true to yourself. Recovering nice guy and author of the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, Dr. Robert Glover, takes us into what he learned over the years about the state of men through his own personal journey, and how he found the concept of moving from a nice guy into an authentic real guy. He shares why men find themselves in the friend zone and how women’s intuition can see through them. Dr. Glover also brings up the importance of opening the space for men to be accountable with one another and see the beauty within instead of external validation.
177: No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover
I’m absolutely, statically thrilled to invite Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy onto the show. Dr. Glover has been one of my heroes for a long time. I was introduced to the book probably 2006, 2007 by my friend and coteacher, Chris Kosley, who said, “You’ve got to read this.” I started reading and as I turned the pages I was like, “Oh, no.” I described it as the worst horrible book that every single page reminded me of me. In other words, it’s awesome. He’s been doing the thing, he has been walking the talk for many years now. I’m excited to have this frank conversation with him about the state of men, his own personal journey, and the concept of moving from a nice guy into authentic real guy.
I’m going to interview one of my heroes. I told him when we first got on the show that I had some fan love for him because he’s had such a huge impact on me. I’m excited to have him and we have a lot of associates in common as well. The story of how I heard about this book was my colleague, Chris Kosley at OneTaste when I ran the men’s program said, “This is the book we’re going to use for the course.” The course we were teaching was called The Mindful Man and it was called No More Mr. Nice Guy. I’m like, “It’s an interesting title.” I started to read it and I describe it as the worst book. It was like, “This is so me.” Your writing freed up a lot of parts of me. For any man on the path, I highly recommend this classic, No More Mr. Nice Guy. I’m so thrilled to have you on the show.
Robert, thanks for the invitation. It’s good to be here. Thanks for that introduction. I’m a recovering nice guy, it’s my story. I wrote about my journey, my experience and that’s why a lot of men can relate to it. It’s personal.
I’d love to dive into that spot. What was the motivation? Give us the story of how you came up with a concept for the book.
The concept found me actually. The concept hit me upside the head like a big stick. Going back about many years ago, I was in my second marriage, I was a nice guy. I’m the nicest guys you’d ever want to meet. I couldn’t understand why everybody else didn’t have that same philosophy of life. Why wasn’t everybody else trying to be a good person, treat people well, be generous and have respect and all that stuff? What I was trying to do is be different from my father who was pretty self-centered, narcissistic and moody. I’d grown up hearing my mother complain about him. I was trying to be different than all those bad men. I grew up in the ‘60s and ‘70s and heard all the angry feminism, “Woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Every man’s a rapist.” I don’t want to be that guy. I was trying to be different from all these men that I’d heard women complain about.
I was a couple of years into my second marriage and working hard at it. I love Georgia. I was attracted to her but she was never happy. I could never do good enough. She was always complaining. She never wanted to have sex anymore. She announced on our honeymoon, “Aren’t you glad that now that we’re married, we don’t have to pretend to like sex anymore?” Is there a misunderstanding here? I wasn’t pretending, and so typical nice guy fashion. I love working overtime, trying to make her happy, giving to get, trying to please her, avoiding conflict, keeping a lot of secrets.
About two years into the marriage she said, “I’ve had enough of your passive-aggressive behavior.” I’m a therapist. I had a Ph.D. at that time in Marriage and Family Therapy. I thought, “Me, passive-aggressive? I thought I’m the one that’s putting up with all your stuff all the time. I’m the good guy here.” She said, “I’d rather be with a jerk. At least I know a jerk is going to treat me badly all the time. You treat me well. Everybody thinks you’re great and then you turn around, I got these little daggers in my back. You cut me down, you embarrass me in public. You don’t follow through on what you commit to.” She said, “I can’t keep doing this, you got to go get some help.” I thought, “I’m the one that should have a legitimate complaint here.”
I went and got help. I went trying to figure out why me being a nice guy didn’t make her treat me better? Why I didn’t make her more sexually available? Why I didn’t make her happy? Why I didn’t make her appreciate me? Luckily I fell into some good resources. My first was a Twelve Step group for sex addicts. I quickly found out I wasn’t a sex addict. I wasn’t having enough sex to be a sex addict, but it was beautiful. It was a bunch of guys meeting at 6:30 in the morning. For the first time in my life, I started opening up. I started revealing me. I would get excited about going to this group at 6:30 in the morning. Never in my life had I been me and shared me, every dark thoughts, secret impulse, past behavior. I grew up in a fundamental Christian church. I had two degrees in religion. I’d always tried to keep this nice package presented to the people around me. I started in that group and got in with a therapist who did some great work.
The very first session I ever went to, she taught me about boundaries. I was in my 30s in my second marriage with a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy. I had never heard of boundaries before. I got good help. I joined a men’s group that I was in probably for four or five years. What happened was as a marriage counselor, as I was doing my own work and discovering my own nice guy stuff where it came from, what didn’t work, what worked better, I started noticing that a lot of the men who are coming to work with me often with their wives or girlfriends were saying the exact same things. “I’m a nice guy. I’m one of nicest guys you’ll ever want to meet. I treat her better than her ex. I’m raising her kids. I do everything for her. I buy her whatever she wants. I go out of my way. She’s never happy. It’s never good enough. When is it going to be my turn? She never wants to have sex anymore.” I could finish their sentences for them. I invited a half dozen or so guys to join me. I started my first No More Mr. Nice Guy Men’s Group. We met every other Wednesday. I started writing some chapters, some lessons, would probably call them blogs or articles, what I was learning about the whole nice guy thing.
Over a period of a year or two of doing this, they and their wives and I started a second group. These people started saying, “You need to write a book. You need to go on Oprah.” Over a period of about six or seven years, I wrote, condensed, edited and finally finished the book over twenty years ago. It took about three years to find a publisher, which was an interesting process. A lot of editors and big companies said, “I like your book. It’s a good book but our marketing department says men won’t buy a self-help book.” A lot of people were wrong. A lot of people that passed on a number five or number six draft pick and they turn out to be the best player of all time. A lot of people were wrong, guys buy loads of books and you know that, I know it. That’s how all of that came to be. The book came out in hardcover several years ago, early February of 2003. The book sales continued to grow every year. My life continued to evolve and I continue to work with men. I continue to work on my nice guy stuff. I continue to have a coach. I continue to be in a men’s group and I love it. I see this men’s movement, for lack of a better name, expanding all over the world. It’s exciting.Women feel deeply and they notice deeply. Click To Tweet
A lot of guys can identify with that Nice Guy Syndrome and then being so angry for not recognizing for being a nice guy. It’s like, “Look how much work I’m doing. Why can’t they see that?” My belief system is women feel deeply and they notice deeply. They’re not buying the cover act. They’re feeling the sensations in their body that’s saying, “You’re acting nice but you’re not something congruent around it.”
You used the word I had on the tip of my tongue, that congruence or incongruence and depending on the context. It’s interesting because after I speak, do workshops, or guys do a class with me, they often say, “Robert, what I like best about you is your authenticity. You’re real, you will put anything and everything out there.” I always smile. It’s my favorite compliment. Several years ago, nobody would have accused me of being authentic. I would not have been anything and these buddies said to me because I was completely incongruent. That’s at the core of the Nice Guy Syndrome. I agree with you 100%. In general, women are intuitive to the energetics of it.
My second wife was extremely and almost psychic, intuitive and stuff. I can remember we’d be having fights where she’d be accusing me of lying to her and she would be telling, “You’re lying about this.” I’d be sitting there arguing my side thinking inside, “She’s right. How did she know I’m lying to her?” She was wrong about what I lied about, therefore I’ve got this built-in deniability, “No, you’re wrong about that.” I would be marveling at how she knows that I’m lying to her. I agree that in general, women have an intuition around that and maybe they’re even highly sensitive to it. Most women, by the time they hit adulthood, had been betrayed, lied to, deceived, or men have shown up with hidden agendas. They’re highly sensitive to it and while we nice guys are thinking, “Me being nice, treating a woman well and being different than all the men she complains about, that will make her want to be with me.”
I call it nice guy seduction, “I’ll listen to her, talk about her problems, I’ll do things for her or I’ll help her sister move, whatever. A woman will see what a great guy I am.” Working with men and women, the man complains, “I always ended up in the friend zone.” I tell guys, “Women don’t put men in the friend zone. Men put themselves in the friend zone because that whole being nice, that whole incongruent thing does nothing to activate a woman’s attraction and arousal.” That’s where a lot of nice guys aren’t so nice. Then we ended up being frustrated, resentful, passive-aggressive, maybe having our victim pukes where we blow up and rail at women in general, the woman in particular that we happen to be the most upset at. We’re off in anything but nice.
To prove the point about the book sales, I looked and you were 1,100 in Amazon out of the several million and over 1,000 customer reviews. Whoever those publishers out there said no to you, revenge is yours. Congratulations. I’m interested in the changes you’ve seen from when you publish this book in 2003 to the current state of affairs. I have my own viewpoints about what’s been happening, but I love to hear your take on the state of men, the state of the men’s movement and what you’ve seen evolve in the last twenty years.
To give it a context, when I did start working on me, about the only materials at least I stumbled onto, I stumbled on to Robert Bly, Iron John, and Michael Meade. I’m pretty sure the Sterling Men’s Weekend and The New Warrior Adventure were probably already in the early stages, but they weren’t something that I found right away. I was fortunate to find a Twelve Step Program, a good therapist, a good men’s group. There were not many men’s groups meeting that time. If you did find a man’s group, usually you went out in the woods and beat a drum. The publisher said, “Men won’t buy a self-help book.” That was where I began working on me and found some good resources.
As you move forward in the twenty-plus years since then, the internet probably has been the biggest game changer of all. Probably I was able to get a book published because of the internet. Men have found out about it because of the internet. I do interviews like we’re doing here. I do a few every week with coaches that are working with men that have programs for men. Many write blogs, do podcasts and have written books. To me, the biggest change that I’ve seen is there is so much available from that.
When I went on the book tour in early 2003 for No More Mr. Nice Guy, one of the questions I frequently was asked by interviewers, radio or print, is do I see any worldwide men’s movement coming. I said, “No, not really. I didn’t think there was one unifying dynamic that would bring men together as a women’s movement had had.” Where I was wrong is that I see that it’s not been one unifying factor, maybe at least the way I look at it. Maybe there is, and that’s men searching for tribe and initiation. We’re looking for connectedness and we’re looking for help being men where we haven’t had that. We don’t have initiation in culture. Most of us had been disconnected from our fathers, disconnected from any positive masculine energy. Most of us have been trying not to be that bad man that we’ve heard women complain about. We’re trying not to be the MeToo guy that we hear about. What happens is by trying to be different than other men, we have nothing that we’re moving toward, nothing to help us develop our own sense of who we are. The bad men then actually stay the center of our direction because we’re trying to be different from them. As they say in Twelve Steps, “The opposite of crazy is still crazy.”Men have this deep desire to feel masterful and, without initiation, go look for cheap substitutes. Click To Tweet
What happens is that it doesn’t matter if men go looking for answers either following a divorce, attracted to more of the energetic work that you and I were talking about like David Deida and John Wineland. They come in and do it through pickup. Whether they come in through marital counseling, what I’m seeing out there is that men are looking for answers. The good news is there are a lot of good answers out there and I’m excited about that. I’m sure there are men out there putting crap out there and taking advantage of other men. What I keep stumbling into is a lot of good men, conscious men, sincere men who are working on themselves, their passion is working with other men. I do see a men’s movement, a men’s revolution happening. Not so much that it’s based on one certain thing other than that men are looking for connection, looking for some initiation, looking for answers. When men go looking, all those answers seem to be rising up. That’s what excites me about what I see in the opportunities for men to both connect and get guidance and mentoring, teaching and initiation.
I was at this conference and met a gentleman from an online magazine. We’re talking about the direction of men and I shared with him some viewpoints of that from my book, from the work I’ve been doing and then we kept talking about more men I knew on the path. I was talking about my friend Ken Blackman. I was talking about John Wineland. I was talking about The Brotherhood. I was talking about the Alpha Tribe. There are so many men I’m connected to that are spectacular leaders in what they’re doing. That’s exciting for me because I’m a cisgendered white male, upper middle class born. I’m going to identify with certain men, but there’s a whole spectrum of other men out there doing such exceptional work like JuVan Langford or Sanyika Street, the Firestarter. My point is it’s an exciting time because there are options.
You’re mentioning people I don’t even know about and I could probably mention people that you don’t know about, which is what’s so exciting. It’s out there and men can find it. It’s available and it’s good. Everybody’s got their own approach to it. You got your approach. I’ve got my approach. There’s so much overlap and it’s like we’re all learning from each other. All of us, maybe pioneer types, we’re all learning. We’re all doing the work. I remember when I started doing some coaching with John Wineland. I reached out to him and said he’d been highly recommended and I want to do a men’s group and do his program. He said, “Robert, I’ve read your book. Your book’s on my reading list. I recommend it to other people. What can I possibly give you?” I said, “John, l have so much I need to do. Treat me as somebody with a beginner’s heart, a beginner’s mind. Bring your best stuff. I need to work on me.” I’ll be doing that until the day I die. I have no doubt about that.
That’s what makes a leader, someone who’s willing to learn, expand and grow. There’s so much more to know. In your heart and your experience, I know this is a generality, but what do you think men want that they’re afraid to ask for? What do you think men want that women don’t know? What would be, from your experience, something in a man’s heart that he’s afraid to ask for?
What came to mind when you first posed the question, this is how I’ve been viewing men and men’s work, at least where I’m at and it keeps evolving, which I love. I’ve been honing in on mastery that men want to feel masterful. Our ancestors had initiation from the wise experienced men of the tribe that takes the young boys out. They’d put them in situations that challenged them, frightened them, that were maybe life-threatening. It taught them the skills and the mindset to master those situations, whether it be hunting, gathering, battle or even relating to each other and relating to the opposite sex. That’s the deepest desire for men, to be masterful. It’s why there are so many unhappy men out there. That’s why so many men get caught up into distractions, video games, internet, television, addictions, pot, porn. Things why men get sucked into nationalists, white supremacists’ stuff and conspiracy theories.
There’s this deep desire to feel masterful and without initiation, we go looking for cheap substitutes. A lot of times those cheap substitutes are destructive, harmful to us and often harmful to other people as well. There are a lot of factors to the #MeToo Movement and it can’t be boiled down to one thing. A lot of it is men seeking some instant gratification from women. You have targeted this woman. I like her, I want her to like me and I want her to have sex with me. We’re tone deaf into paying attention to the actual emotional, physical dynamic between us and the other person. Even that’s some substitute for a lack of feeling of mastery. When we feel masterful, I believe we attract everything we need in this world. Whether we attract opportunity, adventure, money, sex, good women, that sense of mastery is attractive to the feminine in this universe. That’s what comes to mind that as men feel more masterful, they’re less destructive to self. They’re less destructive to others.
I was talking to a friend/client of mine and he’s in a little bit darker place. I said to him, “Do one thing now that makes you feel good.” Self-esteem is built upon esteemable acts. It’s like one step on top of the other, one little win on top of the other, magnetized and you go from a downward spiral of the addiction to porn. What was me, I’m not good enough into loving yourself, feeling yourself and falling in love with the idea of you, which will definitely attract more and more.The opposite of crazy is still crazy. Click To Tweet
What you did, what you described is an act of tribal masculine initiation. The advice you gave was simple advice, do something. Get out of your pity party. Go do something. That activates a lot of things physically and emotionally that then open doors. He probably could have thought of that himself, but in his own self, it never dawned on him. “If I get up and go do something, I’ll feel better.” You as another man, as a tribal partner, that was an active initiation of guidance, of mentoring to give that simple piece of encouragement, “Get up and do something.”
I did the same thing with the friend of mine. He’s in my men’s group. He and I were chatting. Since the holidays, he had been down and pissed about his wife and his marriage. We talked for a while and I said, “Can I give you a thought?” He said, “I’m going to wait it out to see where it goes.” I told him, “I don’t know about you but I can’t do that. I can’t hang out in my relationship and wait it out. I can’t bring my B game or mail it in. If I’m going to be there, I’ve got to be all in. I’ve got to bring my A game. I’ve got to be showing up, providing whatever leadership or direction, working on me, helping my wife and whatever gift I can give her, but I can’t wait it out.” He looked at me and said, “Thanks.” A week later in the group that we’re in, he was more alive, more energetic, feeling positive about his wife. He mentioned that he and I talked. It’s not that I gave him any amazing piece to wisdom, but it was men mentoring men. That’s tribal. It’s an initiation and that’s what we’re seeking. It’s what we need to be masterful. We need other men holding us accountable, supporting us, loving us, directing us, trusting us and us trusting them. It’s so powerful.
The accountable part is a big piece of it too because I said to him, “Text me or email me tonight by 8:00 PM what’s going on for you, and then we’re talking again tomorrow morning.” The interesting part for me is how much pleasure I got in loving him and helping him. That’s a big piece in the puzzle because I do know there’s a lot of isolation out there. There’s a loneliness epidemic. I’m learning more about this. There are more single adults in United States than there are in couples. It’s the connection and the desire to give. It’s like to love is so powerful and to love another man is so taboo. The chance he was giving me to do that fills me up with energy and power. It’s a time for that in society, especially with more isolation.
Let me even take that a step further because I agree with you. I’ll step out on a limb here. Isn’t it ironic that with all the tools for dating online, Tinder, Pickup, all the tools that help men and women have greater access to partnering, dating, and mating, more people are single than ever? Maybe those tools aren’t the assets that we think they are. I’ve been doing my own work for close to 30 years. I’ve been working with men for the majority of that time. I’m still doing my work. I’m still in the middle of this whole thing with men. I’ve been saying this to men in a relationship. I’ve said, “Our relationship with men or connectedness with men is the foundation that we build a healthy, satisfying relationship with a woman.” There’s got to be that masculine foundation underneath. If we don’t have our guy friends, we turned our girlfriend or wife into our best friend or our confidant. What happens if your best friend’s pissed off at you? Who do you go talk to? Who do you go connect with? Seeking that feminine approval and validation is not putting out the best in us as men. It brings out a passive pleasing. I don’t use these words a lot, “Become a Beta mentality, I’ve got to make her happy.”
I don’t try to figure out how to make my guy friends happy. I show up, we have fun and we’re real with each other. We’re honest with each other. I believe that for men, we will get more access to genuine, consistent, loving connection through men than we will ever get from a woman. It’s consistent. How many guys could raise your hand and say, “Yes, I was consistently loved by the woman in my life?” Most of us will say, “Sometimes she acts loving towards me. Sometimes she doesn’t.” I don’t feel that with the guys in my life. I don’t feel like one day, “What did I do wrong now? Why doesn’t my guy friend seem happy or not talking to me? I don’t get that.”We need to quit having so many unrealistic expectations of our partners. Click To Tweet
To me it’s like an “and.” We want romantic love and the partnership from women but we also love, enjoy and feel empowered by our male friendships. It’s like we’re taught to look to that one person for everything that it doesn’t create the space for us to get different needs met by different people.
We’re putting all of that burden on an intimate partner. No one person can do that. We’re tribal by nature. We spend a million and a half years evolving, and the tribe met all of our needs. It takes a tribe to do that. There’s one thing I worked with men a lot, consciously creating what I call cooperative reciprocal systems where they consciously work to have a lot of different systems that help fill their bucket and meet their needs. As you’ve probably seen and I’ve seen often, we think, “The key is in finding the perfect right woman. Once I had that woman, everything will be complete.” When we invest everything in her, it is unfair and she can’t do that. Men are one of those resources, we need lots of others. Those resources, go back to helping us feel masterful. Most of us are like, “What am I doing wrong? Why is this not working? How come she’s not happy? What do I need to do differently?” The truth is maybe we need to quit having so many unrealistic expectations of our partners.
In my lineage and in my viewpoint, it’s building the self-esteem, having the own internal validation, going to men to help your validation and not depending on women for the validation. Not looking to them to prove that we’re doing it right, to look externally for us to believe inside of our own magnificent nature.
That lets our relationship with women or the woman in our life take on its own energy, its on beauty, its own unique specialness. When we quit expecting that one person to do it all, it especially gives us that external validation you’re talking about that isn’t going to happen.
I love everything you’re saying, initiation in itself. I’ve done a lot of reading. I’ve become a big fan of the books of the 1990s written by your peers. Sam Keen, Fire in the Belly, has been an inspiration. I Don’t Want To Talk About It, Terrence Real, that book is epic. There weren’t that many books written and there’s a new generation of books coming out. When you look for your inspiration, what do you read? What feeds your soul in terms of literature and books out there?
Maybe there have been three waves of this. I’m more in the middle wave. The guys you mentioned: Michael Meade, Sam Keen, Robert Bly, I think preceded me. I didn’t discover David Deida until after I published my book and then discovered, The Way of the Superior Man. I’ve probably read it 30 times. I love his work. In terms of where I tend to be going, it’s not so much to men movement oriented but it would be more people like Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron, a lot more towards mindfulness. That’s the most recent influence in terms of my ongoing development, more in direction of mindfulness, consciousness. I mentioned John Wineland. A lot of the work that we do with him is his yogic, energetic, consciousness, rewiring the nervous system through yogic practices, qigong. I’m finding that exciting and invigorating. It’s not so much having to do with men’s movement but I’ve been enjoying it.
I’m reading a fiction book called Gates of Fire by Steven Pressfield. I’ve read his book, The War of Art. I recommended it to everybody, he’s a fiction writer by trade. The Gates of Fire is the backstory of what we saw in the movie 300. It’s interesting, you’re reading about Spartans, how they challenge and toughen themselves. I’m not saying we men need to go to that extreme but it’s interesting to read in terms of a fiction story about personal development as a man. I’m actually reading that. I go back and I’d find these older books, dig into them. I finished Radical Honesty. There is so much good material out there. Luckily for Amazon, every time you go look at a book, it’s going to suggest several for you. Every time you buy a book, buy a copy of your own book as well. In that way, your book will get recommended to the people to buy that other book you bought.
You run your online program and there’s one coming up. You have an eight-week online program. Maybe you want to talk about that and what you offer men to work deeper with you.
When the book came out about several years ago, I did a lot of workshops around the country and in Europe as well. I was traveling every month, but it got time consuming and expensive as well. I’ve developed an online course called Nice Guys Don’t Finish Last, They Rot In Middle Management. Barnes & Noble had an online university and they asked me to develop that to support the book as it came out. They went defunct. I had this eight-week online course and I thought, “I can offer that online myself.” This is probably twelve to thirteen years ago. From there, I started developing other courses on dating, on relationships, work, and career. I have a guy that teaches a course on ADD for men. I’ve got this online university where I teach self-help courses every few months.
I do workshops and seminars. I got one coming up in Seattle. I’ve got one coming up in Puerto Vallarta in March. I’m writing a lot. My impossible goal that my men’s group helped me settle in on after I almost died is to write ten books in ten years. I’ve finished two of them that I was working on around dating. I dedicate a lot of my time to writing. I figured after my near-death experience that all the books I had in mind that I want to write weren’t going to write themselves. At 63 years old, who knows how much longer I’ve got, maybe 40 years, maybe four months. I’ve been doing a lot of writing. For guys who want to check me out, I’ve got over 200 podcasts on my website around dating, relationship, life and recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome. I keep trying to put stuff out there that will help people. There’s free stuff and there’s a whole range of stuff. DrGlover.com. If they google Robert Glover or No More Mr. Nice Guy, I’ve got the ten top listings on each of those pages. I’m not hard to find.
Thank you so much for your time. It’s an honor to speak with you and thank you for your thoughts.
Thank you. This was fun. I enjoyed the interview and I look forward to connecting with you even further.
I would appreciate that. Thank you so much for joining us for Tuff Love. Thank you so much, Dr. Robert Glover, for showing up and being the man you are. I appreciate it. For more shows, please visit RobertKandell.com. You’ll find my book, workshops, some online programs, it’s all there. If you liked the show, please go to your favorite podcast app: iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher and leave us a review. We’d be very grateful. That’s it, go forth, be merry, I love you.
- No More Mr. Nice Guy
- Iron John
- Sterling Men’s Weekend
- The New Warrior Adventure
- #MeToo Movement
- Fire in the Belly
- I Don’t Want To Talk About It
- The Way of the Superior Man
- Gates of Fire
- The War of Art
- Radical Honesty
- Nice Guys Don’t Finish Last, They Rot In Middle Management
- Tuff Love on iTunes
- Tuff Love on Spotify
- Tuff Love on Stitcher
About Dr. Robert Glover
Dr. Robert Glover is the author of the bestselling book, No More Mr. Nice Guy. His website drglover.com features numerous online self-help courses, workshops, podcasts, groups, and trained coaches and therapists. For the last 20 years, he has focused on helping to recover Nice Guys get what they want in love, sex, and life. Dr. Glover lives in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.